25. Hair Spray–“The Higher the Hair, the Closer to God”

15 Feb

Southern girls have been rocking the hair spray since long before the folks in 80’s hair bands were even born. And they’re still rocking it long after said bands have hit the $1.99 CD bin.

I’m not sure where the maxim “The higher the hair, the closer to God” originated, but I’m here to tell you that many Southern girls consider it gospel truth. In fact, statistics show that 83% of all hair spray sales come from the Bible Belt. Ok, I just made that up, but it seems pretty accurate.

Since debutante balls are on the decline, a Southern girl’s rite of passage is the receipt of her very own can of Aqua Net. Surely by now they’ve come up with an environmentally friendly aerosol can, not that folks are greatly concerned. I mean, what’s a little hole in the ozone layer compared to the tragedy of flat hair?

Fortunately for hair spray peddlers, a Southern girl rarely kicks her dependence on this sticky styling solution. Yes, there comes a day when maintaining big hair becomes too much of a chore, but that’s right about the time folks transition into helmet head. And if there’s anything that requires more hair spray than big hair, it’s the permanently immobile helmet head look. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, well, be very glad.

Visit the hair care aisle in your local Walmart, and you’ll be overwhelmed by the array of hair spray features available: Volumizing. Moisture resistant. Comb thru. And, of course, everyone’s favorite: extra hold. As if there’s any hair spray out there that features “regular hold.”

While there are plenty of pump-style hair sprays, Southern girls tend to prefer the good old-fashioned aerosol variety. If only because they can’t be easily tampered with. Case in point: Years ago, one of my Southern friends was perplexed when her salon brand hairspray suddenly lost its “extra hold.” After a bit of detective work, she discovered that her boyfriend had added water to the bottle so it would “last longer.” In fact, it did last longer, seeing as she never used it again. Note to penny pinchers: too much aqua equals not enough net.

4 Responses to “25. Hair Spray–“The Higher the Hair, the Closer to God””

  1. Karen G Anderson March 6, 2010 at 11:22 am #

    One look at that can, and, I swear, I could SMELL it. Phew!

  2. Kim Holloway June 17, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

    Thanks for sharing my post!


  1. Beauty Parlors. « stuff southern people like - November 5, 2010

    […] shorter hair, my curls will never be considered ruly. And if you ever see me reaching for a can of Aqua Net, feel free to snatch me baldheaded. If you know what that […]

  2. the bigger the hair, the closer to god. « the credibility gap. - May 6, 2012

    […] knows about big texas hair… and pageant hair… and the southern lady love affair with hair spray (click here and any other bold white key words in this post to read about them from girl out of […]

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