73. Makeup AKA Putting One’s Face On

19 Feb

Photo by Jaymi Heimbuch
Flickr Creative Commons

Here in Seattle, women brazenly go around showing skin in ways no Southern lady would dare. Would y’all believe that Northwestern folks consider it perfectly acceptable to be seen in mixed company with a naked…face?

I will pause here to give my Dixie readers time to recover from shock and/or faint.

Ok, then.

Yes, folks, I’ve personally seen bare-faced women in places you would never expect: parties, fancy restaurants, shopping malls, even CHURCH! I reckon they are not familiar with the 11th Commandment: “Thou shalt not be seen without makeup in any public place, most especially not in the house of the Lord.”

Occasionally, exceptions can be made for things like early bird Black Friday sales (seeing as there are so few menfolks around). And you can also forgo makeup when dropping kids off at school or giving a friend a ride to the airport, but only if you don’t expect to: A. Get out of the car (or truck) or B. Run into someone you know.

Even so, there are some Southern ladies who stand on ceremony, showing up at Kohl’s before 4:00 a.m. in full makeup.

“Full makeup?” My non-Dixie readers might ask.

What? You didn’t know there are different levels? Ok, here’s a primer:

A bee-you-ti-ful makeup collection
from KeirasLuckyCharm blog.


Full Makeup includes, but is not limited to:
Moisturizer
Foundation (aka “Base”)
Concealer
Powder
Blush
Brow Pencil
Eye Shadow
Eye Liner
Mascara (two coats, minimum)
Lip Liner
Lipstick
Lip Gloss (optional)

Half-ass Makeup includes:
Foundation
Powder
Eye Shadow
Mascara
Lipstick
Blush (optional)

No Makeup consists of:
Foundation
Mascara
Lipstick (In a pinch, Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers will suffice)

Why is there still makeup listed in the “No Makeup” category? Pray that you never find out.

After 8 years in Seattle, I’ve started to assimilate. These days, I’m appearing in public more and more often without a stitch of makeup. But you won’t catch me returning to Mississippi without a fully stocked makeup bag in tow.

Mom with my sister, Jenna,
on her wedding day.

If you are not a member of my immediate family or a very close friend, you probably never saw my mother wearing anything less than full makeup. She thought of makeup like some folks think of American Express cards: Something you don’t leave home without.

No matter how much pain she was in or how exhausted she felt, she never went ANYwhere (including doctor’s appointments or emergency room visits) without “putting on her face.” Also: praying for a close parking space.

It probably isn’t standard operating procedure, but when my sister and I delivered Mom’s burial outfit (a tasteful cream-colored pant suit) to the funeral home, we brought along a selection of her Chanel makeup. Oh, and her eyelashes.

When we handed them her shoes, we were told that people are generally buried without them.

Not Patricia Holloway. She wore heels.

What item of cosmetics would you not be seen in public without?

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22 Responses to “73. Makeup AKA Putting One’s Face On”

  1. reneemason February 19, 2011 at 9:52 am #

    Oh yeah, but Dallas ladies would have two additional items in their “full makeup” bag…an eyelash curler and bronzer, and that’s just for a quick trip to the mini-mart or rushing the dog over to the all-night emergency vet’s office when he swallows a hot roller. Enjoy your weekend!

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

      I am sad to report that I’ve never mastered the art of using an eyelash curler. I even had my 15-year-old niece demonstrate for me, but the lesson didn’t take. I’m still going around with uncurled lashes. I just can’t deal with putting a metal object so close to my eyeball.

      Love your hot-roller eating dog scenario! But hope it’s hypothetical…

  2. O. Francis Leonard February 19, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

    Love it! I’m not a Southern Gentleman, or even a gentleman by some definitions, but I loved the part about the shoes. My Southern wife, rarely wears makeup though, but when she does, not even her closest friends recognize her.

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

      I once had my hair blown straight and wore contact lenses to an ad agency where I’d been freelancing for about 2 months. The project manager that I’d been working with every day came up and introduced herself to me!

  3. Debbie Pendell February 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    I laughed ’til I cried. Absolutely true. I was just musing the other day about women in the Mid-West not wearing nearly as much make-up as women in the South. So-o-o happy to be back to my roots in the South!

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

      Considering the popularity of makeup in the South, I’m SHOCKED that Sephora only recently opened a store in Mississippi.

  4. southofseattle February 20, 2011 at 12:52 am #

    Although I have resided in the State of Washington for the last 40 years, I can proudly say the only time I am with out full makeup is in the shower and trust me, no men are allowed in there. I even put on a full face when I awoke at 2 am with my water broken and in full labor before I went to the hospital. Was there a whole 30 minutes before I gave birth. Looked great in the pics too I’ll have you know. It is SO good to be Southern. My kids sure as heck better bury me with heels and makeup too! 🙂

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

      That’s hilarious!! I’ll bet my mom wore makeup to the hospital, too.

      If your kids are aware of your no-naked-face policy, I’m sure they’ll do right by you!

  5. emmy February 20, 2011 at 6:23 am #

    Now, you went and made me cry and ruined my make-up! Mom never went anywhere without being completely put together, including having EVERYTHING match or coordinate! (including unmentionable)

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

      Love your mom’s matching unmentionables!!

  6. Debbie February 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm #

    Oh this is sooo true! Growing up in the North (where bare faces on women are the norm), then going to school in Dixie (where makeup is a given!) gave me a deep appreciation for Southern ways! I’ll take my makeup any day over facing the world nekkid!! And I loved that about your mom and her heels — just too picturesque!

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

      Thanks!

      Now that I think about it, one of my few Seattle friends who almost always wears makeup grew up in the North, but went to college in Texas…

  7. Julie February 20, 2011 at 11:44 pm #

    When I attended a Christian University in Texas back in the 90’s there was a Bible professor that taught that it was God’s will that a wife should get up an hour before her husband to put on makeup and do her hair. That way the husband never had to see his wife looking ugly. I’m not kidding.

    • girloutofdixie February 21, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

      Oh, that is SO funny, but also SO sad.

  8. ssanderson February 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    Bare faces? The horror! I would have to add concealer to the ‘no makeup’ look, though.
    True story: after giving birth to my son some years ago (C-section, so totally knocked out!) my first memory after coming out of the ‘fog’ was 2 nurses standing over me saying “God, look at her face….what perfect makeup…looks like she just laid down for a little nap!”
    Oh, I immediately felt better!
    Cosmetic companies should thank the Lord everyday for Southern women!

    • girloutofdixie February 24, 2011 at 10:16 pm #

      What a way to wake up! That would make me feel better, too!

  9. bayoubyme February 23, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

    Oh, this made me laugh about the levels of makeup! What a touching way to pay tribute to your mother.

    • girloutofdixie February 24, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

      Thanks!

      • Yaya November 7, 2012 at 5:57 am #

        This is hilarious because it’s so true! I also put my makeup on before going to the hospital to have my daughter! My no makeup look is a little different though….foundation (bare minerals) also used as eyeshadow, bronzer (also used as eyeshadow) plenty of mascara and lip gloss…….totally natural. 😉

        • Kim Holloway November 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

          I heart the bare minerals foundation. It’s part of my “natural” look, too!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. What’s past, what’s new « The Naked Listener's Weblog - February 22, 2011

    […] reason why Dixie chicks kick ass and the rest […]

  2. Freestyle Friday: We’re Just Links! « Indigo Moods - February 28, 2011

    […] Stuff Southern People like blogger girloutofdixie is one of my favorite bloggers. I love her blog. She highlights so many things from my family and cultural upbringing in her blog that I feel like she’s been rooting around in my memory bank. Check out this hilarious edition of Stuff Southern People like: “73. Makeup.” […]

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